


Good Enough for Now

by Not2be



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Allusions to Jared's past, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, but nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 20:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14409849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not2be/pseuds/Not2be
Summary: Jared's hurt and Richard does his best.





	Good Enough for Now

Richard is running on Red Bull and stubbornness. He leans back in his chair and rubs frustratedly at his eyes when he hears the front door of the hostel open.

“Jared?” Jared spooks, he’s like a thin awkward woodland animal.

“Where have you been?” When Jared turns to look at him something seems not quite right but it’s difficult to make out Jared’s face; the room is mostly dark sans for the glow of his laptop screen and the street lights shining though but…

“Oh. Richard. I had the night off I’m sorry…did you need something? I hope I didn’t disturb your work, but really shouldn’t you be getting to bed soon. Our Captain needs his sleep. I for one can tell you the dangers of sleep deprivation..”

“Jared”

“Yes Richard?” somethings off, Richards shocked he notices in his brain fog. Normally he would dismiss it, but he gets up to get a closer look and again sees Jared flinch ever so slightly.

“Shit, Jared. What the fuck happened?”

“Hm?” Jared considers for a moment before his expression changes to one of realization. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Oh this?” He gestures vaguely at his face.

Jared is sporting a nasty bruise on his high cheek bone and eye, as well as a split lip. Dark blues, purples and black mottle and bloom against his translucently pale skin.  He looks tired, Richard’s distracted brain thinks. _How long has he looked this tired, how have I not noticed?_

“I appreciate your concern Richard but it’s really not a problem you need to worry about. I promise it won’t affect my work.”

“I don’t need to…? Jared look at you! This..this isn’t-"

“If your worried it looks unprofessional I have concealer just for the occasion I can wear it in meetings or even around here if it makes you more comfortable."

Richard files away ‘just for the occasion’ to deal with later. He feels like he’s going to puke, and it must show.

“Oh dear. Are you okay Richard? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it really isn’t an issue. Jeez, I’m no better than cruel cilantro on your delicate digestive system. Would you like a glass of water?”

_Nice job Donald, you’ve distracted him from his work. He’s probably worried he has an incompetent pathetic biz dev-_

“Jesus Jared- you don’t. _I’m_ fine.  What the hell happened?” Jared shifts uneasily, Richards never seen him like this.

“I had a bit of an accident. You know how clumsy I can be- “

Richard gapes at him disbelieving. Technically Jared has given him the perfect out to this nightmare of a conversation. Its not that he doesn’t want to be there for Jared, to comfort him or whatever, it's that he doesn’t know how to be his…well his Jared.  But he summons all his courage, he can’t leave him here. Like this. At all.

“What kind of accident?”

“Oh, you know” He waves dismissively “the kind with gravity and the ground” _smooth job lying to your captain, your-_

“You _fell_? Your story is you…fell? Honestly?”

_Damnit, Donald you used to be better at this._

“It may be a bit of a cliché I admit but it’s actually proven to work quite effectively for me in the past” He says lightly as if he’s sharing an amusing anecdote or fact. My favorite color is sky blue and also when your hurt people will believe convenient lies as transparent and unbelievable as they may be in order to avoid engaging with your pain.

“Jared.” Richard insists. He knows he might be taking advantage, he knows on some level even if he’s unwilling to admit it to himself that Jared Dunn can refuse him (almost) nothing.  But its for the greater good right? He tugs nervously on his hoodie string. Richard muses vaguely if Jared wears vests for the same reasons other than temperature control that he wears hoodies.

Jared swallows and looks down, in the dim light Richard can see his skin turn pink with shame.

“I had…an unpleasant recreational romantic encounter with a newish acquaintance.”

“Uh...a what now?”

“I had a date.”

“Wait..a date? You had a date?”

Jared nods minutely.

“And they…” Richard feels his insides burn as he realizes what has happened.

“Yes.” Richard can taste stomach acid in his mouth.

“Oh Richard. It really is alright- I’ve terminated our potential relationship. It’s all fine. Nothings broken, I mean I’ve had much worse” He chuckles lightly, his tone soothing as if he’s trying to comfort Richard. It just makes Richard more furious, but he pushes it done. _Help Jared, you asshole. Think what would he do._

“Should we uh, shouldn’t we like call the cops or something? Jesus Jared-“

Jared cuts him off in his typical gentle tone, hands out placating, but his eyes are wide and pleading.

“I don’t want to make any more of this. I don’t want to go down that road” There’s a heavy implied _again_ hanging over them. Part of Richard wants to argue with him on this.

“Kitchen” Richard blurts and turns red. Why wouldn’t the universe bless him with a giant anvil crushing him.

“What was that Richard?”

“I should- you should- Ice probably ice right? I uh mean we should get you ice then I can make tea?”

“Oh my” And he’s doing that thing where he looks at Richard a if he hung the freaking moon just for him.

“That’s awfully kind of you but you need your sleep, I’ve already taken so much of your time. I can fix myself up in a jiff” He says brightly again as if he hadn’t just told Richard he was assaulted by his date.

“No, I, I want too.” There’s a pause and then

“Okay, Richard” He’s somber again. The CEO flicks on the kitchen light and gets a good look at Jared face, he feels like he’s going to scream.

“Its not very pretty is it?” Jared says self-deprecatingly without any self-pity, just a tinge of sadness. Richard's tired mind contemplates how many things Jared says without really saying them. He’s struck by the desire to reach out and hold Jared, to learn everything about him.

“Would you like some help?” Jared offers right before Richard nearly drops the mugs he’s trying to set on the counter.  It's moments like these that make him realize that anything outside of coding he’s completely inept at.

“I got it just -stay put”

“Well you know what they say, if you’re not working in the kitchen get the hell out of my house. You have to earn your keep after all.”

W _ho says that?_ Jared should never make decorative stitched pillows; all of the sayings would be horrifying. Though Richard’s sure the stich work would be lovely…

“Here put this...” He offers Jared a bag of ice slightly proud of himself he remembered to put it in a towel. Jared accepts it like a present.

“Thank you.”

After Richard’s vaudeville act with the mugs he eventually gets them to the table without scalding himself or Jared.

“This is...sorry if it’s not...” He’s not used to making tea, he’s not used to doing any of this domestic shit.

“Its perfect, Richard.” And he knows he means it. Richard wonders for a second if Jared’s gratitude is a character strength or flaw before he immediately feels like a shitty person for thinking that.

After a while the bag of ice is forgotten slowly melting on the table between them. There’s a tense silence, Jared wrapping his long gentle fingers too firmly around the cup. It must be burning him, Richard is about to open his mouth to say so when Jared looks over his shoulder intently. He’s so used to, (well not used to but sort of at this point), to having Jared’s full undivided attention and eye contact that he’s surprised when it actually feels more uncomfortable that someone isn’t looking at him.

“I’m sorry, Richard-” _For being the weak link, for being broken for_ _taking up too much space for-_

“Fuck. You…you don’t have to apologize, Jared. This isn’t…none of this is your fault.”

When Jared still doesn’t make eye contact Richard swallows dryly.

“You…do know that don’t you? Right? I mean I know...at least I think I have a pretty good idea that people have been not great” _‘not great?’_ “to you but that’s not like…your fault-“

“I’m the common denominator, Richard.”

His voice is oh so small, the rest of the room feels sharper and louder suddenly. It’s the most heart breaking thing Jared has ever said, and that’s a high fucked up bar to surpass.

There are three main categories of Jared related comments that Richard tries to ignore or shut down as quickly as possible.

  1. The off handed allusions to his trauma. Said as if he were telling you about the lunch he had that day or mildly interesting bit of trivia. Richard hadn’t given much thought to these. Just put it under the emotionally confusing file of Things About Jared he tried not to visit often.
  2. Genuine self-admonishment and apologies veering into self-flagellation. Of the “no good” variety.
  3. Lastly, there were moments where Jared seemed startling self-aware. He’d laugh good naturedly at his own strangeness as if he saw with perfect clarity the way the world saw him as an odd duck. Jared’s words not Richards. Richard now wondered if it came from a sincere comfort with himself or just an appreciation when others were teasing him that he was being thought off and included at all. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, maybe all of it was.
  4. ~~Also, declarations of love and devotion to Richard.~~



He's not sure where this one fits.

“No Jared…”

“I promise I don’t seek this out…I don’t want to be hurt by people…at least I don’t think I do.” Jared sounded so young and sad and shameful. It was like he was pleading with Richard to believe him, and Richard had never known him too ask for anything for himself. Richard felt as if he might be sick. He wanted to throttle anyone who had made Jared feel this way. Like he was some cosmic magnet for pain. That something in him brought out the worst in others, that he _asked_ for the worst in others. He wonders how many times Jareds been pushed in the pool then yelled at for dripping wet on the floor.

“Of course, not Jared…why would I… I mean, you, I..” _fuck. Jared would know the perfect things to do and say in this moment with over the top metaphors and esoteric references._

“Look, I’m not great at this okay but you…you’re great, good I mean you’re a good person. Like really good. The kindest most loyal person I’ve ever met… you’re so patient and you see the best in people and and people are assholes. They take advantage of that…” his stomach drops thinking of the ways in which he has been one of the people to take advantage of Jared’s goodness. “Those people aren’t a reflection of you, you don’t deserve to be hurt… their inability to return the love you give says nothing about…” _your lovability_. “Okay?” Richard’s face feels like its burning and he wants to be swallowed by the floor.

Jared’s eyes are wide and glassy, his hands are trembling around his mug, the effort not to cry looks considerable. He opens his mouth to try to respond but has to clear his throat.

“That’s…” He’s normally so articulate, Richard worries briefly if he’s broken him.

“That was stupid right? Fuck…sorry Jared I-“

“No. That was not stupid Richard. That was the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. Including my good friend Gloria who is always graciously complementary and bakes the best gluten free oatmeal cookies.”

“Good.” There’s another long silence.

“Tell me um. Tell me about Gloria?”

Jared’s eyes light up and Richard decides it’s the nicest thing he’s seen all day

“Oh, she’s wonderful! I met her in my knitting group…”

Richard listens, and the night starts to feel slightly more survivable than it did at the beginning. Things aren’t remotely okay but survivable is good enough for now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am very new to fanfiction and to the fandom so I'm sorry if it seemed OOC or wasn't quite written in the right voice. Thank you for reading!


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